[Vmyths.com news] Blow up Mecca to stop cyber-terror?

Vmyths.com "What's New" Newsletter
Truth About Computer Security Hysteria
{25 July 2005}

IN THIS ISSUE:
Out & About
Top item of the week
Other items of note
Weekly online polls & surveys
"Whisper" data collection
Scandalabra
Humor control
Hysteria: this week in history
The editor's notepad

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OUT & ABOUT
Yours Truly will answer the question "Why Don't Antivirus Firms Get Infected?" on August 8th at the Capital PC User Group meeting (Springfield, VA). Admission is free and everyone is invited. Visit http://www.cpcug.org for full details.

TOP ITEM OF THE WEEK
Did you catch the recent brouhaha about blowing up Mecca to stop terrorism? Hey, that's OLD news! Way back in 2002, the White House reserved the right to blow up Mecca to stop cyber-terrorism. And a Democrat senator hinted the U.S. should expel foreign Muslim computer science students as a proactive measure against cyber-terrorism... Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=727&page=4 before you watch Tom Cruise's parody of "The War of the Worlds."

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OTHER ITEMS OF NOTE
Letters? Yeah, we get letters. One of Russia's most recognizable (and controversial) virus experts dismisses the term "spyware" as a marketing gimmick... Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=726&page=4 before you listen to another spyware sales pitch.

Which is worse -- Hurricane Emily, or a computer virus? If you said "computer virus," you're right! Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=560&page=4 if you answered wrong. Which is worse -- the recent tornado that destroyed the town of Harmony, North Carolina, or a computer virus? If you said "computer virus," you're right! Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=585&page=4 if you answered wrong.

Please forward computer virus alerts to HoaxFYI@Vmyths.com when you receive them -- your effort will help us detect changing trends in virus hysteria.

WEEKLY ONLINE POLLS & SURVEYS
In 2002, the White House reserved the right to blow up Mecca to stop cyber-terrorism. Do you agree with this? Visit http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=87&page=1 to take our polls or to see the results!

In unscientific poll #022, we asked: "Which motto should the Vmyths 'Whisper' Update follow?" We received a total of 120 votes. 8% voted for "Friendship supercedes business and business supercedes the industry"; 92% voted for "Knowledge supercedes friendship." Follow http://Vmyths.com/mm/url/5/1022.htm to see the poll as a graph and follow http://Vmyths.com/mm/url/5/2022.htm to read the voters' comments. Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=704&page=4 to understand why 8% voted the way they did.

"WHISPER" DATA COLLECTION
Whisper is now collecting data on these and other controversial topics:
* How much did your company/school/agency pay for computer security
products & services?
* Copies of your company/school/agency's virus charts and reports
* The name of a Canadian teenager arrested for distributing the
Randex worm ($100 reward for authoritative documents)
* The name of a 37yr-old computer programmer in Madrid, Spain
identified by police as "J.A.S." for distributing a webcam trojan
* Which computer security firms supply offensive hacking/virus
technology to which countries?
See http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=89&page=1 for full details on the controversial data we're collecting.

Are you a whistleblower or industry insider? Got a scoop or some dirt on the computer security industry? Email it to Whisper@SecurityCritics.org, or call Rob Rosenberger at (319) 646-2800, or mail it to P.O. Box 50, Wellman, IA 52356. ALL sources will remain confidential.

SCANDALABRA
In last week's newsletter we mentioned the fact mi2g hadn't issued a press release in two months. Hey, guess what? mi2g issued a press release three days after our newsletter came out. And, true to form, they used the typical ploy of "success by implied association." A Swiss research team devised an economic model for Internet attacks, and mi2g insists -- with absolutely NO evidence to support the claim! -- that "[the team] in Zurich has arrived at a similar economic damage calculation approach to the mi2g Intelligence Unit's Economic Valuation Engine for Damage Analysis (EVEDA)." They even acknowledged their inability to support their claim. "Although mi2g's EVEDA is proprietary, it is interesting to note that an 'open source' approach has come up with a similar systems analysis..." Do tell.

Wait, it gets better. mi2g mouthpiece D.K. Matai blabbed "we are pleased to announce our intention to collaborate with [the team in] Zurich to develop more refined economic damage models for Internet attacks and their lingering commercial fallout in the years ahead." Yes, and we can't wait to hear about the first meeting. "Yoo calculate zee economic damages, but you vill not tell what extrapolation model yoo use? Und you vill not tell how you acquired zee data? Yoo vould flunk zee basic economic course..." Read http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=447&page=4 for our hilarious take on mi2g's "success by implied association."

Got something for our "Scandalabra" section? Send it to Tips@Vmyths.com. All submissions will remain anonymous.

HUMOR CONTROL
Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) offered his support to Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) for destroying Islam's holy sites. "It's a lot easier for [Muslims in Iran and Iraq] to develop a devastating virus or to create a cyber-attack than probably it is to use weapons of mass destruction, which are much harder to deliver," the senator explained. "Iran, Iraq, and China are all training people in Internet warfare," Schumer insisted, "and we're doing nothing about it..." Listen to http://Vmyths.com/mm/humor/psa/schumer.mp3 to hear Schumer in his own words.

The Internet remains vulnerable to terrorism nearly four years after the events of 9/11/01 -- so the U.S. Department of Labor has launched a sweeping "Neo Deal" program to beef up cyber-security. "You'll see a lot of 'under construction' signs at websites around the country," said Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao. "Crews will visit websites and do everything they can to secure them from cyber-attacks." AFL-CIO executive vice president Linda Chavez-Thompson applauded the Neo Deal. "Union construction workers are the backbone of America and they know what it takes to secure a site." Chavez-Thompson raised a bit of controversy when she blamed the Internet's security woes on non-union labor. "Union crews would have built the Internet right the first time..."

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has asked Vmyths to cripple all known antivirus software during their "Cyber Storm" national security exercise in November. Andy Purdy, acting director of the DHS National Cyber Security division, said "Vmyths' antivirus rootkit is the most powerful product in its class." The program, known as "ADVEIS" (Antivirus Dependent Vulnerabilities in Email Infrastructure Security"), gained notoriety in May when it was used in the CIA's "Silent Horizon" cyber-attack exercise. "Washington officials had always believed computer security software was perfect," Purdy observed, "when in fact it is riddled with security flaws. ADVEIS successfully destroyed the entire United States on two separate occasions during the CIA exercise." Purdy added, "it's amazing how blindly addicted we are to antivirus updates..." Visit http://www.adveis.org to order your own copy of the ADVEIS antivirus rootkit today!

In an exclusive Computerworld interview with Al Qaeda's top cyber-terror expert, the notorious "Melhacker" claimed he remotely triggered a tsunami alarm system on the beaches of Phuket, Thailand. "The piercing noise of the sirens caused tourists to turn on their video cameras and run backwards to higher ground," reporter Dan Verton said... See http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=569&page=4 for details on Melhacker's amazingly absurd exploits.

The U.S. military's Reserve Officers Association has changed its motto to "land sea air cyber." ROA spokesman John Arquilla explained "the Internet is as deadly as a fighter jet or a tank or an aircraft carrier. As you may know, U.S. cyber-forces under my command destroyed Saddam's elite republican guard with a deadly printer virus in 1991, thereby saving the lives of a half-million soldiers..." Visit http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=643&page=4 to learn more about this ROA spokesman's amazing military (de)feats.

The right-wing extremist group "RADICAL" (Republicans Against Democrats In Congress And Lobbyists) announced they will delete all Democratic websites if the party fails to disband before the next presidential election. "Democrats are evil," said "Grand Visage," who leads the group. "Either they go, or their websites go." Democratic party chairman Howard Dean denounced RADICAL as "a bunch of terrorists who, like all Republicans, seek to destroy the very foundations of our fragile computer-dependent society." But Dean conceded he will push to dissolve the Democratic party. "We can survive in the grassroots if we can at least maintain our websites..."

In related news, the U.S. Congress has announced it will no longer identify politicians by name. "Identity theft has reached epidemic proportions," said an unidentified spokesperson who resembled congresswoman Zoe Lofgren (D-CA). "Revealing the names and party affiliations of our elected representatives needlessly exposes them to the threat of organized crime. All legislation from this point forward will be submitted anonymously and the 'House.gov' website will be turned off..."

In still more related news, the U.S. Congress announced it will not identify Supreme Court nominees by name. "Identity theft has reached epidemic proportions," said an unidentified spokesperson who resembled congresswoman Zoe Lof-- ah, but we repeat ourselves. "Revealing the names and political stances of judicial candidates needlessly exposes them to the threat of organized crime. Besides," said the spokesperson, "the Supreme Court operates in almost total secrecy, so it makes sense to keep their identities a secret as well..."

Order a gag gift for your favorite computer virus expert! We've got plenty to choose from. We took some of our best sayings and put them on merchandise. Visit http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=82&page=1 only if you have a sense of humor... Check out our "Senator Schumer" line of clothing if you really want to terrorize the security experts at your firm!

HYSTERIA: THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
This week in 1998: http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=229&page=4
Reporters monitor the "NTBUGTRAQ" mailing list for juicy computer security stories. The moderator's "call to action" piqued the media's interest, so they gave him international exposure. But we yawned when we heard about it -- because the "call to action" was years late...

This week in 2001: http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=349&page=4
The battle against crime on the Internet is being waged with a broadsword rather than a scalpel. A group should at least have to kill somebody before being labeled a cyber-terrorist... (Part 2 of 3)

This week in 2002: http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=497&page=4
Longtime readers know of a company called "mi2g" and its founder, D.K. Matai. Well, they finally threatened to sue us. Believe it or not, our own lawyer encouraged us to heckle them over it...

This week in 2004: http://Vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=661&page=4
An unknown person wrote a parody of an mi2g alert. Everybody got the humor -- except for the folks at mi2g, who labeled it a dangerous "hoax." Such hubris, from the same firm that got duped by the "Slammer jihad" hoax...

THE EDITOR'S NOTEPAD
In last week's newsletter I revealed Bruce Schneier needed *two* proddings before he realized I wrote a satire about his own newsletter. This fact sparked emails from three people who know Schneier. It appears unanimous: they think Schneier genuinely means well. I agree. But he's out of his league when it comes to non-computer security.

To paraphrase columnist Jeff Duntemann: "if the best you can say about a homeland security expert is that he disguises 1s & 0s for a living ... then he's probably a shoddy homeland security expert." I agree. Schneier isn't a poster boy for the National Association of Chiefs of Police if you catch my drift.

Ironically, a comedian could very easily rip Schneier over his homeland security theories. For example, "searching kids and grandmas actually improves airport security," Schneier blabs in his homeland security book. Comedian Bill Maher blows away Schneier's fallacy in a picture on p.14 of his own book on homeland security, and he goes on to ask why "the people guarding our jugular have decided on a policy of suspending human judgment?"

"But Rob, Congress called on Schneier to testify about homeland security!" And the same Congress called on three Hollywood actresses to testify on the plight of midwestern farm women. No doubt they'll subpoena the cast of "Six Feet Under" to testify on the mortuary industry.

Maher, Jon Stewart, Dennis Miller, and Al Franken (and I) all disagree with Schneier on major homeland security issues. But you won't see them (or me) anytime soon on C-SPAN. Why? Because a comedian needs the ring of truth to make people laugh -- and Congress abhors the ring of truth.

As for Schneier? He probably grew up on the planet Vulcan where they don't get the humor. "Bruce, you're what we call 'laugh anemic.' I'm gonna give you a prescription for the current season of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Tape two shows and call me in the morning."

No offense, but Schneier reminds me of the restaurant staffers in New York and Los Angeles. "Oh, this is just a temporary thing until I get into the Screen Actors Guild." So how long have you been waiting tables? "Seven or eight years I think." Sure, Schneier disguises 1s & 0s, but it just pays the bills, because he's really an expert on all aspects of homeland security.

Did you laugh at some of my comments? If you did, then they probably rang true. But hey, I only write about computer security as a temporary thing. I'm waiting to get picked to replace Conan O'Brien!

That's enough for this edition. My best to y'all. Please keep fighting the virus hysteria.

Rob Rosenberger, editor
http://Vmyths.com
Rob@Vmyths.com
(319) 646-2800

--------------- Useful links ------------------

A-Z list of computer virus hoaxes
http://Vmyths.com/hoax.cfm

How to spot a hoax computer virus alert
http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=19&page=1

Reduce virus hoaxes inside your company
http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=20&page=1

False Authority Syndrome
http://Vmyths.com/fas/fas1.cfm

Hoaxes NOT related to computer security
http://Vmyths.com/hoax.cfm?id=16&page=3

Comedy vs. virus hysteria? Believe it!
http://Vmyths.com/resource.cfm?id=82&page=1

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